Why Does a Shadow King Matter?

Prince William may be becoming a shadow king. So, what? Only gossip columnists should care, right? Wrong: this is hugely political for 80 million people world wide. How can that be? In a word - antidisestablishmentarianism. The Prince of Wales has made it clear that he does not want to be "Defender of the Faith," but rather "Defender of Faith;" therefore, he throws his cap in with those who are most eager to abolish the monarchy and the Anglican Communion. There is an argument that the only thing the monarchy legally provides is the official Church. No official Church, no need for a monarchy - so why not overthrow the government and establish a republic? Of course, the last time they tried that, it didn't work out so well. For those of us looking to the Anglican communion in this time of crisis, the Prince of Wales looks like an utter fool. How can he be leader? We pray for both Charles, William, and a long and healthy life for Queen Elizabeth.

A Byzantine Understanding

Have you read Lost To The West?

Arrogance?

This morning I heard a doctor on the television dismiss refusing a vaccine as the "height of arrogance." I've heard this argument in regards to natural childbirth as well. I smell a rat. Looking out for one's best interest is arrogant? Self-preservation is arrogant? Consider this analogy: pride has two meanings. One is negative, as in "pride goeth before a fall." Pride in the sense of arrogance is a vice. However, pride can also refer to dignity, as in "Have you no pride?" when someone behaves shamefully. I contend that one can be "selfish" (if we must use this term) in the same way. One can be selfish in taking responsibility for oneself and in looking out for one's one best interest. This is a positive connotation of the word. One need not let the existence of a negative connotation negate the existence of a positive connotation. There are two sides to coins, after all.

Furthermore, there are legitimate medical reasons that some individuals should NOT receive vaccines, and it is irresponsible medicine to make blanket statements on television, otherwise.

My Dear Friend, Wormwood...

Have you read the Screwtape Letters, yet?

Those silly commies! Look what they planned for the United States way back in 1963:

1. U.S. acceptance of coexistence as the only alternative to atomic war.

2. U.S. willingness to capitulate in preference to engaging in atomic war.

3. Develop the illusion that total disarmament [by] the United States would be a demonstration of moral strength.

4. Permit free trade between all nations regardless of Communist affiliation and regardless of whether or not items could be used for war.

5. Extension of long-term loans to Russia and Soviet satellites.

6. Provide American aid to all nations regardless of Communist domination.

7. Grant recognition of Red China. Admission of Red China to the U.N.

8. Set up East and West Germany as separate states in spite of Khrushchev's promise in 1955 to settle the German question by free elections under supervision of the U.N.

9. Prolong the conferences to ban atomic tests because the United States has agreed to suspend tests as long as negotiations are in progress.

10. Allow all Soviet satellites individual representation in the U.N.

11. Promote the U.N. as the only hope for mankind. If its charter is rewritten, demand that it be set up as a one-world government with its own independent armed forces. (Some Communist leaders believe the world can be taken over as easily by the U.N. as by Moscow. Sometimes these two centers compete with each other as they are now doing in the Congo.)

12. Resist any attempt to outlaw the Communist Party.

13. Do away with all loyalty oaths.

14. Continue giving Russia access to the U.S. Patent Office.

15. Capture one or both of the political parties in the United States.

16. Use technical decisions of the courts to weaken basic American institutions by claiming their activities violate civil rights.

17. Get control of the schools. Use them as transmission belts for socialism and current Communist propaganda. Soften the curriculum. Get control of teachers' associations. Put the party line in textbooks.

18. Gain control of all student newspapers.

19. Use student riots to foment public protests against programs or organizations which are under Communist attack.

20. Infiltrate the press. Get control of book-review assignments, editorial writing, policymaking positions.

21. Gain control of key positions in radio, TV, and motion pictures.

22. Continue discrediting American culture by degrading all forms of artistic expression. An American Communist cell was told to "eliminate all good sculpture from parks and buildings, substitute shapeless, awkward and meaningless forms."

23. Control art critics and directors of art museums. "Our plan is to promote ugliness, repulsive, meaningless art."

24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them "censorship" and a violation of free speech and free press.

25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio, and TV.

26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as "normal, natural, healthy."

27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with "social" religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a "religious crutch."

28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the principle of "separation of church and state."

29. Discredit the American Constitution by calling it inadequate, old-fashioned, out of step with modern needs, a hindrance to cooperation between nations on a worldwide basis.

30. Discredit the American Founding Fathers. Present them as selfish aristocrats who had no concern for the "common man."

31. Belittle all forms of American culture and discourage the teaching of American history on the ground that it was only a minor part of the "big picture." Give more emphasis to Russian history since the Communists took over.

32. Support any socialist movement to give centralized control over any part of the culture--education, social agencies, welfare programs, mental health clinics, etc.

33. Eliminate all laws or procedures which interfere with the operation of the Communist apparatus.

34. Eliminate the House Committee on Un-American Activities.

35. Discredit and eventually dismantle the FBI.

36. Infiltrate and gain control of more unions.

37. Infiltrate and gain control of big business.

38. Transfer some of the powers of arrest from the police to social agencies. Treat all behavioral problems as psychiatric disorders which no one but psychiatrists can understand [or treat].

39. Dominate the psychiatric profession and use mental health laws as a means of gaining coercive control over those who oppose Communist goals.

40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.

41. Emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents. Attribute prejudices, mental blocks and retarding of children to suppressive influence of parents.

42. Create the impression that violence and insurrection are legitimate aspects of the American tradition; that students and special-interest groups should rise up and use ["]united force["] to solve economic, political or social problems.

43. Overthrow all colonial governments before native populations are ready for self-government.

44. Internationalize the Panama Canal.

45. Repeal the Connally reservation so the United States cannot prevent the World Court from seizing jurisdiction [over domestic problems. Give the World Court jurisdiction] over nations and individuals alike.

So, you see, it's not so silly all this anti-feminism after all.

The KGB really IS the boogyman

How's this for an untethered thought:

From Russia with No Love

What if Everything You Know is Wrong?

Have you seen Britain AD? Parts II and III, too?

What if the Dark Ages weren't so Dark after all? What else might one reconsider if one looked from a different point of view that what one heard in school?

More CST

We had more CST today. The boys are doing well, and don't need to go back for two months. We'll take the younger one in next month for his last free treatment, just before he turns one.

An Intemperate Thought

Perhaps it is an intemperate thought, but then, that's why I've created this space. Untethered thoughts belong here right along with my parenting. Here it is:

I'm so relieved that Sarah Palin has stepped down as governor. I don't support women assuming leadership roles in politics, especially in gubernatorial positions. I am enough of an anti-feminist to state outright: we leave these duties to men. I turn to Proverbs 31 on this point. It is a husband who is known in the gates, not the wife of high virtue. A woman's duties are so myriad, so engrossing, that it is fitting to leave the workings of the world to men. Allow them to have it, and allow women to have the fruit of their hands.

Potty Training

This week, we've begun potty training. It's unbelievably challenging. My older son is going every ten to twenty minutes, with all the obstinance of a two year old. My younger son is quite easy, and will be ready for training pants by the end of the week. I don't know when my older son will be able to manage his bladder and bowels well.

We are still practicing elimination communication. We use the term potty-training to mean potty independence. At this time, we are working on more than just communicating, but moving out of diapers. We are not using some of the more common methods of training, because my boys are disabled (the elder) and too young (the younger.) I thank heaven that I know about EC, and don't have to try to fit a mold that woundn't fit anyway.

I've not gone astray

I've been posting on my other blogs this month. It's been a busy time, too busy for untethered thoughts. My son did very well this month at his CST appointment. We're back to bi-monthly scheduling now. It appears that last month was only a blip, and not a new pattern. Either that, or swimming has helped just that much. Perhaps I'll get more time for unconventional musing now that the heat is forcing me indoors to the air conditioning. Of course, I may just get more motivated on my other blogs, again.

On Charity

Today's reflection is on charity. I've added the link to the side for Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. While I knew that this blog would benefit the hospital from before I monetized it, I realized that I did not ever make this clear before now. On another site, I saw some hostility towards ads. I considered that someone might have the same hostility towards mine, not understanding who the true beneficiary was. While I understand not everyone agrees with every charity, and someone may specifically disagree with mine, I hope that this openness will lessen the negativity some might feel when seeing an ad on this blog.

Charity is a further reflection that it's important to talk-the-talk, and not just walk-the-walk of virtue. While it's more important to behave well rather than talk about good behavior, it's not unimportant to convey the message of goodness to others. It's not enough to simply do the right thing. One must allow others the opportunity to know what the right thing is as well (even if they chose a different mechanism, or in this case - a different recipient of charity.)

On Kindness

One of the kindest acts a person can do for another is to cradle someone who is vomiting. Consider if you will a scared child, who doesn't understand the sensation. Now, consider the child also being yelled at while gagging - the frantic running around, the scolding, or even punishment that follows. The fear, the pain - an otherwise necessary act has instant negative associations. Consider the same act combined with kindness - a mother cradling the same scared child allowing the vomiting to occur while offering gentle words of comfort. The same act can be associated with gentleness and comfort. There is plenty of time to teach a child the appropriate place to vomit, before they're grown. What else do we teach them about often involuntary bodily functions? What else do we teach them about how to respond to the sick and those most in need of kindness and comfort?

A New Book

I've started keeping a new book for my son. So far, I've got one section for elimination records, one section for nutritional records, and a sample page of our day. I'll add more sections as we go along, plus get it all fancy with print outs and such. It's a simple way to get more organized. Hopefully, this will solve a few problems and make doctor appointments go more smoothly. It's funny how records change the way some people view things. It's the same behavior, but if I write it down, then it's real. It's a bit tiring to write down every diaper change and morsel of food, but I hope it will be worth it. At least, it may make posterity easier on me for not keeping up with the baby book and photos. The future will see that I was just too busy.

What If...

What if...

Everything you knew was wrong?

What if healthy food wasn't good for you and the so-called bad food was? What if low-fat, whole grains weren't good, but cream and butter was? What if there is no French Paradox, because the French are right and we're wrong?

What if evolution is wrong and creationism is wrong, and it's a completely different process altogether?

What if schools aren't failing but are succeeding at exactly what they are designed to do?

What if we aren't really free, but just really comfortable slaves of a new era? What if previous slave owners realized that the problem with slavery wasn't the lack of freedom, but the lack of comfort? What if they fixed that problem, and convinced millions of previously free people to volunteer for slavery?

What if there is no global warming? What if the sun is primarily responsible for all climate change, and there's nothing humans can do about it except survive?

What if we aren't as civilized as we think we are? What if there have been more civilized peoples than we are in the past, but none of their evidence survived to be found in archeological digs?

What if childbirth isn't inherently painful or dangerous, but we create the conditions that make it so?

I'm just musing here. Meditating on thoughts that may be wrong, but willing to consider the ideas that I've taken for granted for most of my life may not be true. Untethered thoughts, if you will. Every now and then I like to set aside some time, and challenge myself to look at something, anything or everything from a different point of view.

Cloth Diaper of the Day

Today's featured diaper is my usual favorite: Mommy's Touch. I just love this one. I have so many: colored and prints. I have both touch tape and snaps. I prefer touch tape for overnight, easy changes. I prefer snaps for day time, to slow down the children removing their own diapers.

On Compassion

This I know: I am only a beginner in learning compassion. I have much to learn.

I can learn compassion from many people, in all sorts of ways. I can feel compassion for those who suffer more than I do. I can feel compassion for those that have not yet learned as much as I have. I can feel compassion along with others who are much wiser and more sophisticated than I am, such that I learn from them. I can allow compassion to encroach my daily activities; I can grow.

Christ is perfect in His Compassion. I am a weak, wicked sinner, not worthy of God's Grace and Mercy. And, yet, I know that He extends His Compassion to one as lowly as I. When I worship, I can allow myself a glimmer of His Compassion. I can submit myself to His Will in my life, and learn the lessons He chooses for me.

I am often wrong. I am often weak. Through His Compassion, I know that I don't have to remain in my sorry state.

Misguided Breastfeeding Advice from Those Professing to be Experts

I think it's important to note the perspective of feminism regarding the feeding of babies. During much of the twentieth century, feminists viewed artificial feeding as part of women's liberation from childcare. Anyone could bottle feed a baby, and a mother could put even a tiny infant into child care. They devalued breastfeeding, and actively sought to undermine it. Now, some feminists have come to the opposite conclusion: that breastfeeding is a feminist act. It must be so hard to be a feminist these days; it must be quite confusing.

Nurses are often working women. They are sometimes working women who espouse feminism and women having careers outside of the home. One might even say that the majority of nurses are at least sympathetic to modern, moderate feminism. They are always people, and people have opinions and biases. They have feelings, even if they are consummate professionals capable of excellent diplomacy. Even nurses who are also International Board Certified Lactation Consultants sometimes say or do things questionable to the support of breastfeeding, so as not to compromise their feminist perspective.

Therefore, there is advice and bias in the world that undermines feeding babies at the breast. Some of it is perpetuating received notions from the past. People learned mistaken or misguided information, and never questioned it. They passed it on as truth. Some of it is thinly veiled hostility to mothers who have chosen a lifestyle that emphasizes mother-care of infants. That mothers don't breastfeed is reassurance that anyone can feed a baby, that mothers don't have anything unique to offer in child care. Some of it is between these two marks.

I make this observation as a lesson in compassion: compassion for women who struggle with unhelpful advice on feeding their babies; compassion for working women who deal with their emotions on feeding their children; compassion for those who unknowingly pass on poor information; compassion for feminists who actively seek to undermine breastfeeding relationships; compassion for bystanders confused by it all. I have much to learn about compassion, but I write this as part of my lesson.

Cranial-Sacral Therapy

"So, what kinds of therapy is he getting?" my son's therapist asked during this morning's treatment.

"This."

My son doesn't need physical therapy; his muscles are strong. He doesn't need occupational therapy; his playgroup is better than that would have been for him. He does benefit from CST, or cranial-sacral therapy. It's "alternative" - sigh - according to his developmental team, but it's the only therapy that he needs. It's the only therapy that makes a difference in his life. I don't care what the criticism is. I've had it myself, as a very gentle relaxing massage. Fortunately, I don't have anything like his physical challenges. I simply took up my massage therapist's offer for something different years ago, and enjoyed it. I'm so happy that I knew about this gentle massage for now, when I have a child who needs it.

I'm grieved that because it's not considered conventional that the developmental team doesn't recommend it to other tethered cord syndrome patients. While my son's therapist has other tethered cord patients, it's only because they found her on their own, like me. It's not like there are too many options out there for people with sacral scoliosis. For the most part, it's a shrug of the shoulders, and an acceptance of pain.

Call me a victim of quackery. Call me a wacky, desperate mom. Go ahead. I can take it. I'll still do what I believe is relieving my son's pain, and helping him thrive. If I could feel the pain for him, I'd do that, too. For now, we'll be thankful for this.

Cloth Diaper of the Day

Today's featured cloth diaper is Swaddlebees.

During an outing, I realized that I had forgotten to pack enough diapers for my toddler. I tried the Swaddlebees that I had for my 8 month old. It still fits! These pocket diapers are trim, trim, trim. I wasn't expecting much, but it worked well for the trip home. It does help that he's not a heavy wetter, and hadn't had much to drink while we were out. This was once my favorite diaper (they were all once my favorite in turn,) and today reminded me why. This one goes in the diaper bag for every outing.

Cloth Wipes Solution

I use cloth wipes with my diaper changes. Here's my recipe for the solution:

8 ounces warm water
1 tbs aloe vera gel
1 tbs coconut oil
a few drops of tea tree oil

Stir all ingredients well and pour over the wipes. I keep my wipes in the leftover bin from when I used to use disposable wipes, but any waterproof container will do.

Of course, one could just use plain water. This is just an extra nice touch from Mom to Baby.

On Bonding

When mothers speak of bonding with their children, they often leave off important qualifiers: endocrine or psychological. We humans are able to bond in a way not open to other mammals, meaning the psychological bond. However, it is true that endocrine bonding is still possible, even though it may not be acknowledged. Sometimes referred to as chemical bonding, it means the hormonal release from the endocrine system during certain phases of reproduction: birth and feeding. Allow me to expound.

For most mammals, only endocrine bonding is possible. If a mother sheep, for instance, fails to sufficiently produce the hormones required for bonding with her lamb, she will abandon it. Her brain does not provide a backup system to override her endocrine failure. Failure of endocrine bonding means that the lamb will perish, unless a human substitute mother steps in to care.

For humans, not only do we have a backup system, it is more important than the endocrine bonding system. A human mother need not have any hormonal release, whether she have a physical reason or if she is an adoptive mother, in order to have a healthy maternal relationship. When we speak of bonding, we almost always refer to this type of bonding exclusively. Indeed, it is the assumption that "bonding" means "psychological bonding" exclusively that can result in many an argument. Whoever experiences the psychological bond with the infant is the mother, at least for humans.

This leads to various combinations of the types of bonding. Both endocrine and psychological bonds between mother and child are the ideal situation. The mother experiences a flood of hormones while feeding her child, as well as positive psychological reinforcement from her peer group, herself and the baby. The baby also experiences a positive hormonal release from his own endocrine system and psychological response. The cycle perpetuates itself, with each member of the dyad reaffirming the other's actions. Unfortunately, the ideal is not true in every case. For humans, the next choice would be to experience psychological bonding, without an endocrine response. Human mothers who don't experience the added endocrine release may value their relationships with their children just as highly as mothers who do. They may even care for their children to a higher standard of attention and affection. Many mothers may not even recognize any difference between their parenting and another mother. Indeed, these mothers may go so far as to deny the existence of endocrine bonding in others. For the infants, they, too, thrive on psychological bonding alone. It is the human infants who experience only endocrine bonding, but not psychological bonding that can be considered neglected. The hormonal impulse may be there, but the higher, more complex psychological needs are not met. Only those dyads that experience neither form of bonding - meaning, true abandonment - suffer from a worse scenario. That humans are capable of a higher form of bonding does not negate the existence of a lower form of bonding. It does not even mean that the lower form of bonding is of less value. Both types of bonding have their role for humans.

A Smarter Alternative to Pediasure

For us, Pediasure was a disaster. The resulting bowel management was too much for a toddler to handle. Instead, with a few changes, we have been able to offer the same caloric, liquid nutrition without the negatives. Of course, I'd rather he be able to digest a whole foods diet, but then I'd also rather he not have TCS. This is where we are.

Our Organic "PediaSmart"

8 ounces water
½ c. Baby's Only Formula
1 tsp vanila flavoring (optional)
1 tbs honey
1 tbs whey
1 capsule of digestive enzymes, opened

Add all of the ingredients to the water and mix well.

This is about double the ratio of formula to water on the can. Yes, that means it's about twice as expensive as feeding a child "formula." This is not a formula recipe; this is absolutely, positively not for infants under one year. Never, never feed honey to an infant under one year. We do not bottle feed this product, since my child is well past bottle feeding age (not that he had them, even when tiny.) Also, again: this recipe is a substitute for nutritional products for older children with physical disabilities. I would never recommend this for healthy, normal babies or toddlers. This recipe is for children who would otherwise have severe medical issues with prescription nutritional products. This recipe allows my son to have normal stools instead of "bowel management." It would likely result in digestive upset for a healthy child.

Pediasmart is not available to us locally. Otherwise, I might add the whey and enzymes directly to a bottle of Pediasmart if I could purchase it conveniently. The enzymes are available at my local health food store. I make my own live culture liquid whey with my yogurt maker.

Impossible standards

Mother's Day can sometimes be miserable for moms. Out There, somewhere, is some mom who's got it all together. She looks just right. Her kids are cute, clean, matching and well-behaved. She has more than enough time nights and weekends after work to have a spotless home, in between her hobbies. She's thin, well-educated, happy and wealthy. She's got it all, but you Just Don't Measure Up to her. There you are feeling lousy about your snotty-nosed kids running around in nothing but their diapers, with only potato chips in their stomachs. How did it all go so wrong?

The truth? That Mom is a myth, and she's been dying to fess up for ages. She hasn't cooked a home made meal in so long that she's forgotten how to turn on her oven. The clean, matching outfits come courtesy of the concierge service at the dry cleaner for which she paid a premium. The well behaved part comes with a little help from Benadryl before that public outing. It's all a sham with smoke and mirrors. If you looked underneath the manicure, you'd see the nails bitten down to the quick. The wealth? You don't even want to see her bank statements. It only looks good; the core isn't nearly so sweet. She can't even remember the color of her children's eyes, but she does have time to confess about it - secretly. The hot new fad of 2009 isn't really budget tips and frugal ways to go green. It's mommy-confession websites and sitcoms.

So this is what feminism has brought us, huh? Mommy wars, insecurities, unhappy kids and homes. It isn't quite was those college professors hyped it up to be. There are some realistic standards to which a 21st century woman can obtain. However, they won't make good copy, and they're too out-dated to be trendy. Looks like we may have to relearn some old lessons the hard way.

What makes a Hyena?

A hyena is a cloth diaper nut. It takes more than just loving cloth diapers, though. A hyena has knowledge; a hyena is a hunter. It can begin simply - merely noting how cute they have become, or marveling that pins and rubber pants are by-gone. There is a moment though; there is a threshold to cross, when a mother transitions from cloth diaper user to stealthy beast. For me, it was a simple Happy Heiny's baseball print. From there, I went to all sorts of prints, fitteds, AIOs, sewing my own and knitting my own covers. I bought diapers that I swore I never would; I fell in love with bits of fabric. Still, it's not quite hyena time then. When I did cross over? What was the deciding factor? I'd never planned on buying any diapers at all. We practiced elimination communication from birth with both kids. I could have been diaper with my second son from the early weeks. With my TCS son, he could have been diaper free until the detethering surgery, and again a few weeks after we'd finished catheterizing. How does a mom know she's gone too far? When she doesn't even need the diapers to begin with, when the diapers are just too cute to resist.

The Green Face of Anti-Feminism

Hanging the laundry instead using the dryer? check
Breastfeeding instead of buying formula that was trucked a thousand miles, and in non-recyclable packaging? check
Sewing one's own cloth diapers? check
Zero mile commute? check
Menu planning? check
Time to visit the farmer's market to buy locally grown organic produce? check
Bringing cloth bags to the supermarket to buy other items in bulk and other low-waste packaging? check
Time and energy to reduce, reuse and recycle? check

Are all these the hallmarks of a hard-core eco-activist? Or, are they cruel, backwards thinking of the patriarchy, the boring drudgery that keeps women down and out of the workforce? It can be hard to identify with the political Left, with the sometimes diametrically opposed manifestations of ideation. The internal conflicts, the vigorous debating amongst other progressives and all that energy spent trying to sort it all out: it gets to be overwhelming, I'm sure.

However, if one is an antifeminist, then one can just go along, being as backward as one wishes. A woman can focus on what works for her family, what saves the most money and what brings the most pleasure. When a woman doesn't have to compare herself to an outward model, as feminism continually does, then she's truely free to run her life as she sees fit. It may be greener than liberals who aspire and agonize towards, "an impossible standard." Maybe they're right; maybe it is impossible to be a modern, green woman. The difference is that they mean one must therefore drop all that eco-friendly business. An antifeminist instead rejects the "modern" part, the feminist standard. Do those clothes off the line smell incredible and save a few pennies off the electric bill? Delightful! That's reason enough. It doesn't matter whether it's a green life; it just has to be a good life.

Elimination Communication and Tethered Cord Syndrome

Ultimately, Elimination Communication is about the communication, not the eliminating. While Western, and specifically American, society has gradually been cluing into communicating with babies at the beginning of the 21st century, in regards to communicating about elimination it's still a radical idea. It's now not shocking at all to see a mother use ESL or read to a five-month-old. Taking the same five-month-old to the potty? That raises eyebrows. Pediatricians will insist that the child can't possible feel the elimination, much less control it. These, of course, are the same pediatricians that insisted 25 years ago that neonates can't feel pain, such that open-heart surgery on newborns was done without anesthetic. Fortunately, my son's pediatrician is Indian, and doesn't have the American social bias. Russian, Scandinavian, Chinese and even pre-disposable diaper American ideas vary about when babies can, or should, start eliminating in the "potty." It doesn't really matter what the arbitrary time frame is. At some point, people start communication to their children where they'd like the child to eliminate, and the child follows the parents' guide.

Now, that's all well and good for healthy, normal children, right? Once a child crosses over into physical disability that all goes out the window, right? Of course, "those" children can't feel anything, and potty training them is very difficult, if not impossible. I agree that for some children, the potty will never be part of their experience. However, that merely means that conventional potty training goes, too. It doesn't apply to EC. Why? Well, back to the beginning - it's about the communication, not the elimination. Even if a child is 100% disabled, a parent can communicate about what's going on and why. If the disability is of a lesser degree, then a child deserves the opportunity to communicate as much of his experience as he can. He may surprise the so-called experts, with their MRIs, VCUGs and UDs. Even without physical elimination, the social experience of potty can be rewarding, even to infants. Babies know more than 20th century parents or experts gave them credit, even disabled babies.

From the EC point of view, diapered babies are trained to eliminate in the diaper for the first years of life, then a second phase of training kicks in: the potty training. Conventional wisdom denies this. Babies just eliminate wherever, whenever, is that point of view. Then, magically, at some future point, they develop muscle control and awareness of elimination. Thus begins conventional training. From the EC point of view, ec'd babies are ready to learn where they should go, and will go in the potty, over an open diaper, in a sink. They'll communicate and learn to recognize the parent's communication about elimination. However, most practitioners of EC know little or nothing about physical disabilities in regards to elimination. Professionals who do know about the conditions generally don't know about the existence of EC, (unless they're not American, and they're not educating their American peers.) Therefore, from the EC point of view, a physically disabled ec'd baby is eager to learn where to go, even if they can't follow through. They're eager to communicate about elimination, even if that communication means learning to sign "catheterization" before learning to sign "potty".

All babies deserve the dignity of having their elimination needs cared for - ultimately, that's what it's all about. It really doesn't matter what form it takes. The possible need not become the should-or-should-nots. All children can learn to sink to low expectations of themselves, whether it be about elimination or dignity or communication or anything. That's why it's worth it.

Why Untethered? How Untethered?

Why are my adventured untethered? Because for the past three years (spring 2006), my son's congenital tethered spinal cord syndrome has colored my life. He was tethered for over a year (most of that before birth,) and then had a detethering surgery at six months of age. But it's more: I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer; I've always seen the world from a slightly different perspective. Thinking that he's now experiencing the world detethered makes me realize that I've always been untethered: untethered by social conventions. Our experiences effect who we are, and in our case, tethering and untethering are paramount to our experiences.

Now, wait, how did that detethering occur, again? He underwent major spinal surgery at six months. Yes, that's right, as an infant. Pediatric neurosurgery is never fun, but we got through it. Imagine a six month old getting hit by a bus; that's what he looked like. It was a four inch scar then, and will grow with him as he grows. Eventually he'll have a ten inch scar along his spine as an adult. Just to clarify: he did not have Spina Bifida. He has a closed cord defect. Meaning, the tethering occurred well after his neural tube closed at conception. Even so, it is a neural tube defect, and he will always have the syndrome from the tethering.