On Bonding

When mothers speak of bonding with their children, they often leave off important qualifiers: endocrine or psychological. We humans are able to bond in a way not open to other mammals, meaning the psychological bond. However, it is true that endocrine bonding is still possible, even though it may not be acknowledged. Sometimes referred to as chemical bonding, it means the hormonal release from the endocrine system during certain phases of reproduction: birth and feeding. Allow me to expound.

For most mammals, only endocrine bonding is possible. If a mother sheep, for instance, fails to sufficiently produce the hormones required for bonding with her lamb, she will abandon it. Her brain does not provide a backup system to override her endocrine failure. Failure of endocrine bonding means that the lamb will perish, unless a human substitute mother steps in to care.

For humans, not only do we have a backup system, it is more important than the endocrine bonding system. A human mother need not have any hormonal release, whether she have a physical reason or if she is an adoptive mother, in order to have a healthy maternal relationship. When we speak of bonding, we almost always refer to this type of bonding exclusively. Indeed, it is the assumption that "bonding" means "psychological bonding" exclusively that can result in many an argument. Whoever experiences the psychological bond with the infant is the mother, at least for humans.

This leads to various combinations of the types of bonding. Both endocrine and psychological bonds between mother and child are the ideal situation. The mother experiences a flood of hormones while feeding her child, as well as positive psychological reinforcement from her peer group, herself and the baby. The baby also experiences a positive hormonal release from his own endocrine system and psychological response. The cycle perpetuates itself, with each member of the dyad reaffirming the other's actions. Unfortunately, the ideal is not true in every case. For humans, the next choice would be to experience psychological bonding, without an endocrine response. Human mothers who don't experience the added endocrine release may value their relationships with their children just as highly as mothers who do. They may even care for their children to a higher standard of attention and affection. Many mothers may not even recognize any difference between their parenting and another mother. Indeed, these mothers may go so far as to deny the existence of endocrine bonding in others. For the infants, they, too, thrive on psychological bonding alone. It is the human infants who experience only endocrine bonding, but not psychological bonding that can be considered neglected. The hormonal impulse may be there, but the higher, more complex psychological needs are not met. Only those dyads that experience neither form of bonding - meaning, true abandonment - suffer from a worse scenario. That humans are capable of a higher form of bonding does not negate the existence of a lower form of bonding. It does not even mean that the lower form of bonding is of less value. Both types of bonding have their role for humans.