Cloth Diaper of the Day

Today's featured diaper is my usual favorite: Mommy's Touch. I just love this one. I have so many: colored and prints. I have both touch tape and snaps. I prefer touch tape for overnight, easy changes. I prefer snaps for day time, to slow down the children removing their own diapers.

On Compassion

This I know: I am only a beginner in learning compassion. I have much to learn.

I can learn compassion from many people, in all sorts of ways. I can feel compassion for those who suffer more than I do. I can feel compassion for those that have not yet learned as much as I have. I can feel compassion along with others who are much wiser and more sophisticated than I am, such that I learn from them. I can allow compassion to encroach my daily activities; I can grow.

Christ is perfect in His Compassion. I am a weak, wicked sinner, not worthy of God's Grace and Mercy. And, yet, I know that He extends His Compassion to one as lowly as I. When I worship, I can allow myself a glimmer of His Compassion. I can submit myself to His Will in my life, and learn the lessons He chooses for me.

I am often wrong. I am often weak. Through His Compassion, I know that I don't have to remain in my sorry state.

Misguided Breastfeeding Advice from Those Professing to be Experts

I think it's important to note the perspective of feminism regarding the feeding of babies. During much of the twentieth century, feminists viewed artificial feeding as part of women's liberation from childcare. Anyone could bottle feed a baby, and a mother could put even a tiny infant into child care. They devalued breastfeeding, and actively sought to undermine it. Now, some feminists have come to the opposite conclusion: that breastfeeding is a feminist act. It must be so hard to be a feminist these days; it must be quite confusing.

Nurses are often working women. They are sometimes working women who espouse feminism and women having careers outside of the home. One might even say that the majority of nurses are at least sympathetic to modern, moderate feminism. They are always people, and people have opinions and biases. They have feelings, even if they are consummate professionals capable of excellent diplomacy. Even nurses who are also International Board Certified Lactation Consultants sometimes say or do things questionable to the support of breastfeeding, so as not to compromise their feminist perspective.

Therefore, there is advice and bias in the world that undermines feeding babies at the breast. Some of it is perpetuating received notions from the past. People learned mistaken or misguided information, and never questioned it. They passed it on as truth. Some of it is thinly veiled hostility to mothers who have chosen a lifestyle that emphasizes mother-care of infants. That mothers don't breastfeed is reassurance that anyone can feed a baby, that mothers don't have anything unique to offer in child care. Some of it is between these two marks.

I make this observation as a lesson in compassion: compassion for women who struggle with unhelpful advice on feeding their babies; compassion for working women who deal with their emotions on feeding their children; compassion for those who unknowingly pass on poor information; compassion for feminists who actively seek to undermine breastfeeding relationships; compassion for bystanders confused by it all. I have much to learn about compassion, but I write this as part of my lesson.

Cranial-Sacral Therapy

"So, what kinds of therapy is he getting?" my son's therapist asked during this morning's treatment.

"This."

My son doesn't need physical therapy; his muscles are strong. He doesn't need occupational therapy; his playgroup is better than that would have been for him. He does benefit from CST, or cranial-sacral therapy. It's "alternative" - sigh - according to his developmental team, but it's the only therapy that he needs. It's the only therapy that makes a difference in his life. I don't care what the criticism is. I've had it myself, as a very gentle relaxing massage. Fortunately, I don't have anything like his physical challenges. I simply took up my massage therapist's offer for something different years ago, and enjoyed it. I'm so happy that I knew about this gentle massage for now, when I have a child who needs it.

I'm grieved that because it's not considered conventional that the developmental team doesn't recommend it to other tethered cord syndrome patients. While my son's therapist has other tethered cord patients, it's only because they found her on their own, like me. It's not like there are too many options out there for people with sacral scoliosis. For the most part, it's a shrug of the shoulders, and an acceptance of pain.

Call me a victim of quackery. Call me a wacky, desperate mom. Go ahead. I can take it. I'll still do what I believe is relieving my son's pain, and helping him thrive. If I could feel the pain for him, I'd do that, too. For now, we'll be thankful for this.

Cloth Diaper of the Day

Today's featured cloth diaper is Swaddlebees.

During an outing, I realized that I had forgotten to pack enough diapers for my toddler. I tried the Swaddlebees that I had for my 8 month old. It still fits! These pocket diapers are trim, trim, trim. I wasn't expecting much, but it worked well for the trip home. It does help that he's not a heavy wetter, and hadn't had much to drink while we were out. This was once my favorite diaper (they were all once my favorite in turn,) and today reminded me why. This one goes in the diaper bag for every outing.

Cloth Wipes Solution

I use cloth wipes with my diaper changes. Here's my recipe for the solution:

8 ounces warm water
1 tbs aloe vera gel
1 tbs coconut oil
a few drops of tea tree oil

Stir all ingredients well and pour over the wipes. I keep my wipes in the leftover bin from when I used to use disposable wipes, but any waterproof container will do.

Of course, one could just use plain water. This is just an extra nice touch from Mom to Baby.

On Bonding

When mothers speak of bonding with their children, they often leave off important qualifiers: endocrine or psychological. We humans are able to bond in a way not open to other mammals, meaning the psychological bond. However, it is true that endocrine bonding is still possible, even though it may not be acknowledged. Sometimes referred to as chemical bonding, it means the hormonal release from the endocrine system during certain phases of reproduction: birth and feeding. Allow me to expound.

For most mammals, only endocrine bonding is possible. If a mother sheep, for instance, fails to sufficiently produce the hormones required for bonding with her lamb, she will abandon it. Her brain does not provide a backup system to override her endocrine failure. Failure of endocrine bonding means that the lamb will perish, unless a human substitute mother steps in to care.

For humans, not only do we have a backup system, it is more important than the endocrine bonding system. A human mother need not have any hormonal release, whether she have a physical reason or if she is an adoptive mother, in order to have a healthy maternal relationship. When we speak of bonding, we almost always refer to this type of bonding exclusively. Indeed, it is the assumption that "bonding" means "psychological bonding" exclusively that can result in many an argument. Whoever experiences the psychological bond with the infant is the mother, at least for humans.

This leads to various combinations of the types of bonding. Both endocrine and psychological bonds between mother and child are the ideal situation. The mother experiences a flood of hormones while feeding her child, as well as positive psychological reinforcement from her peer group, herself and the baby. The baby also experiences a positive hormonal release from his own endocrine system and psychological response. The cycle perpetuates itself, with each member of the dyad reaffirming the other's actions. Unfortunately, the ideal is not true in every case. For humans, the next choice would be to experience psychological bonding, without an endocrine response. Human mothers who don't experience the added endocrine release may value their relationships with their children just as highly as mothers who do. They may even care for their children to a higher standard of attention and affection. Many mothers may not even recognize any difference between their parenting and another mother. Indeed, these mothers may go so far as to deny the existence of endocrine bonding in others. For the infants, they, too, thrive on psychological bonding alone. It is the human infants who experience only endocrine bonding, but not psychological bonding that can be considered neglected. The hormonal impulse may be there, but the higher, more complex psychological needs are not met. Only those dyads that experience neither form of bonding - meaning, true abandonment - suffer from a worse scenario. That humans are capable of a higher form of bonding does not negate the existence of a lower form of bonding. It does not even mean that the lower form of bonding is of less value. Both types of bonding have their role for humans.

A Smarter Alternative to Pediasure

For us, Pediasure was a disaster. The resulting bowel management was too much for a toddler to handle. Instead, with a few changes, we have been able to offer the same caloric, liquid nutrition without the negatives. Of course, I'd rather he be able to digest a whole foods diet, but then I'd also rather he not have TCS. This is where we are.

Our Organic "PediaSmart"

8 ounces water
½ c. Baby's Only Formula
1 tsp vanila flavoring (optional)
1 tbs honey
1 tbs whey
1 capsule of digestive enzymes, opened

Add all of the ingredients to the water and mix well.

This is about double the ratio of formula to water on the can. Yes, that means it's about twice as expensive as feeding a child "formula." This is not a formula recipe; this is absolutely, positively not for infants under one year. Never, never feed honey to an infant under one year. We do not bottle feed this product, since my child is well past bottle feeding age (not that he had them, even when tiny.) Also, again: this recipe is a substitute for nutritional products for older children with physical disabilities. I would never recommend this for healthy, normal babies or toddlers. This recipe is for children who would otherwise have severe medical issues with prescription nutritional products. This recipe allows my son to have normal stools instead of "bowel management." It would likely result in digestive upset for a healthy child.

Pediasmart is not available to us locally. Otherwise, I might add the whey and enzymes directly to a bottle of Pediasmart if I could purchase it conveniently. The enzymes are available at my local health food store. I make my own live culture liquid whey with my yogurt maker.

Impossible standards

Mother's Day can sometimes be miserable for moms. Out There, somewhere, is some mom who's got it all together. She looks just right. Her kids are cute, clean, matching and well-behaved. She has more than enough time nights and weekends after work to have a spotless home, in between her hobbies. She's thin, well-educated, happy and wealthy. She's got it all, but you Just Don't Measure Up to her. There you are feeling lousy about your snotty-nosed kids running around in nothing but their diapers, with only potato chips in their stomachs. How did it all go so wrong?

The truth? That Mom is a myth, and she's been dying to fess up for ages. She hasn't cooked a home made meal in so long that she's forgotten how to turn on her oven. The clean, matching outfits come courtesy of the concierge service at the dry cleaner for which she paid a premium. The well behaved part comes with a little help from Benadryl before that public outing. It's all a sham with smoke and mirrors. If you looked underneath the manicure, you'd see the nails bitten down to the quick. The wealth? You don't even want to see her bank statements. It only looks good; the core isn't nearly so sweet. She can't even remember the color of her children's eyes, but she does have time to confess about it - secretly. The hot new fad of 2009 isn't really budget tips and frugal ways to go green. It's mommy-confession websites and sitcoms.

So this is what feminism has brought us, huh? Mommy wars, insecurities, unhappy kids and homes. It isn't quite was those college professors hyped it up to be. There are some realistic standards to which a 21st century woman can obtain. However, they won't make good copy, and they're too out-dated to be trendy. Looks like we may have to relearn some old lessons the hard way.

What makes a Hyena?

A hyena is a cloth diaper nut. It takes more than just loving cloth diapers, though. A hyena has knowledge; a hyena is a hunter. It can begin simply - merely noting how cute they have become, or marveling that pins and rubber pants are by-gone. There is a moment though; there is a threshold to cross, when a mother transitions from cloth diaper user to stealthy beast. For me, it was a simple Happy Heiny's baseball print. From there, I went to all sorts of prints, fitteds, AIOs, sewing my own and knitting my own covers. I bought diapers that I swore I never would; I fell in love with bits of fabric. Still, it's not quite hyena time then. When I did cross over? What was the deciding factor? I'd never planned on buying any diapers at all. We practiced elimination communication from birth with both kids. I could have been diaper with my second son from the early weeks. With my TCS son, he could have been diaper free until the detethering surgery, and again a few weeks after we'd finished catheterizing. How does a mom know she's gone too far? When she doesn't even need the diapers to begin with, when the diapers are just too cute to resist.

The Green Face of Anti-Feminism

Hanging the laundry instead using the dryer? check
Breastfeeding instead of buying formula that was trucked a thousand miles, and in non-recyclable packaging? check
Sewing one's own cloth diapers? check
Zero mile commute? check
Menu planning? check
Time to visit the farmer's market to buy locally grown organic produce? check
Bringing cloth bags to the supermarket to buy other items in bulk and other low-waste packaging? check
Time and energy to reduce, reuse and recycle? check

Are all these the hallmarks of a hard-core eco-activist? Or, are they cruel, backwards thinking of the patriarchy, the boring drudgery that keeps women down and out of the workforce? It can be hard to identify with the political Left, with the sometimes diametrically opposed manifestations of ideation. The internal conflicts, the vigorous debating amongst other progressives and all that energy spent trying to sort it all out: it gets to be overwhelming, I'm sure.

However, if one is an antifeminist, then one can just go along, being as backward as one wishes. A woman can focus on what works for her family, what saves the most money and what brings the most pleasure. When a woman doesn't have to compare herself to an outward model, as feminism continually does, then she's truely free to run her life as she sees fit. It may be greener than liberals who aspire and agonize towards, "an impossible standard." Maybe they're right; maybe it is impossible to be a modern, green woman. The difference is that they mean one must therefore drop all that eco-friendly business. An antifeminist instead rejects the "modern" part, the feminist standard. Do those clothes off the line smell incredible and save a few pennies off the electric bill? Delightful! That's reason enough. It doesn't matter whether it's a green life; it just has to be a good life.